God damnit is there no mail today? DAMN HELL ASS.
Why can't they make Veteran's Day one of those always-on-a-Monday holidays? It's not as annoying when the mail doesn't come on Monday as opposed to the middle of the week. The only reason it's on November 11th is because of Armistice Day and I think just about everyone who fought in World War I is dead now anyway. I love that Michael McKean quoted from Breakfast of Champions on his Twitter.
Look at Presidents Day: Washington's Birthday, which is February 22nd, was a holiday until 1971, when they decided to make it the third monday of February but then kept calling it Washington's Birthday as though his birth date changed annually. Most places call it Presidents Day now because most places agree Washington's Birthday is February 22nd.
Honestly I see no reason why the mail should stop on any holiday. I mean I'm sure there are plenty of good reasons I just don't care about any of them.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Day Fifteen: Fuck this day. This day is fucked.
Only because I can't think of anything else to write, here's a story: yesterday I went to the store and Bailey (the cashier that pissed me off last week, and that is definitely his name by the way, I confirmed it yesterday) was working. As I walked in I briefly caught eyes with him, and he totally gave me the stink-eye. Somehow I found this extremely validating and I was in a good mood the whole rest of time I was shopping.
...Yep that's all I got. After my Blogsperiment ends I'm going to have to cut back to three days a week max. My life is just not eventful enough to do this every day.
...Yep that's all I got. After my Blogsperiment ends I'm going to have to cut back to three days a week max. My life is just not eventful enough to do this every day.
Monday, November 09, 2009
Day Fourteen: We then take a moment to soak up the irony.
I'm going to do the bleary-eyed half-asleep thing again because...I don't know why but I'm doing it though.
Last night at midnight while taking my Netflix DVDs back to the mailbox I passed one of my neighbors with his hands full of mail HA! I'm not the only one in my neighborhood who uses the mailbox in the middle of the night! I wonder if he's a vampire? He didn't look it.
(several minutes pass)
Last night with Hannah Montana on Family Guy gave me an idea for a JBMG story where the Jonas Brothers are some kind of monsters and the only way we can beat them is to resurrect John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, and Kurt Cobain. THE MAIN PROBLEM is that all three of those guys are guitar players so there's no rhythm section. Early on in the story we land in California and find the trailer has crushed Miley Cyrus. We then take a moment to soak up the irony.
Last night's Cleveland Show was pretty good. That show has been mostly pretty awful so far but last night's was pretty good. I can't believe Fox is stuck with two seasons of that show. They better get much better REALLY QUICK or Fox is all kinds of screwed. Then again they're still showing the Simpsons which has been so bad for so many seasons it is now able to cause actual physical bodily harm to casual viewers. They need to put a warning on there. Hey, remember when the Simpsons was a really good show? I believe Clinton was President still.
Last night at midnight while taking my Netflix DVDs back to the mailbox I passed one of my neighbors with his hands full of mail HA! I'm not the only one in my neighborhood who uses the mailbox in the middle of the night! I wonder if he's a vampire? He didn't look it.
(several minutes pass)
Last night with Hannah Montana on Family Guy gave me an idea for a JBMG story where the Jonas Brothers are some kind of monsters and the only way we can beat them is to resurrect John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, and Kurt Cobain. THE MAIN PROBLEM is that all three of those guys are guitar players so there's no rhythm section. Early on in the story we land in California and find the trailer has crushed Miley Cyrus. We then take a moment to soak up the irony.
Last night's Cleveland Show was pretty good. That show has been mostly pretty awful so far but last night's was pretty good. I can't believe Fox is stuck with two seasons of that show. They better get much better REALLY QUICK or Fox is all kinds of screwed. Then again they're still showing the Simpsons which has been so bad for so many seasons it is now able to cause actual physical bodily harm to casual viewers. They need to put a warning on there. Hey, remember when the Simpsons was a really good show? I believe Clinton was President still.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Day Thirteen: How Long Now Until I'm Famous?
Oh dear, I seem to have run out of thoughts.
(time passes, the outside world continues on as normal)
I'M GOING TO BREAK OUT MY SEGA SATURN AND PLAY VIRTUA COP I GOT THE LIGHT GUN AND EVERYTHING. No, I won't. But BUT my Saturn is already out so if needed I can get set up in like NO TIME. Need to get a big giant HDTV so the guy in the white jumpsuit is big as life when I shoot him right between the eyes FUCK YOU WHITE JUMPSUIT GUY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING JUMPING OUT AND YELLING "DON'T SHOOT ME!" JUST STAY BEHIND THAT CRATE AND LET ME KILL THE TERRORISTS DAMN YOU!
I wonder if anyone's done a heavy metal cover of the theme from Daytona USA? That game has the best awful Japanese music in it. Japan your culture is ridiculous.
Need to get back to work on the Christmas comics. Will I finish them in time? Smart money says no fucking way. But nobody's taking bets. Because I'm the only one who cares. And I only sort of care.
Can't find a replacement for my Cartman sunglasses. How are people supposed to respect my authoritay without my highway patrol aviator tea shades? The nose rest fell off my old ones. All the ones I've tried make my head look huge. It is but the point of the glasses is to make it seem less huge.
Wait, wait. I need to complete the Sega Saturn trifecta: if you stick the CD of Virtua Fighter II in a music CD player you can listen to the BGM tracks! There! Referenced three Sega Saturn games, actually the three games that used to come free with the system! LIFE'S MISSION COMPLETE!
(time passes, the outside world continues on as normal)
I'M GOING TO BREAK OUT MY SEGA SATURN AND PLAY VIRTUA COP I GOT THE LIGHT GUN AND EVERYTHING. No, I won't. But BUT my Saturn is already out so if needed I can get set up in like NO TIME. Need to get a big giant HDTV so the guy in the white jumpsuit is big as life when I shoot him right between the eyes FUCK YOU WHITE JUMPSUIT GUY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING JUMPING OUT AND YELLING "DON'T SHOOT ME!" JUST STAY BEHIND THAT CRATE AND LET ME KILL THE TERRORISTS DAMN YOU!
I wonder if anyone's done a heavy metal cover of the theme from Daytona USA? That game has the best awful Japanese music in it. Japan your culture is ridiculous.
Need to get back to work on the Christmas comics. Will I finish them in time? Smart money says no fucking way. But nobody's taking bets. Because I'm the only one who cares. And I only sort of care.
Can't find a replacement for my Cartman sunglasses. How are people supposed to respect my authoritay without my highway patrol aviator tea shades? The nose rest fell off my old ones. All the ones I've tried make my head look huge. It is but the point of the glasses is to make it seem less huge.
Wait, wait. I need to complete the Sega Saturn trifecta: if you stick the CD of Virtua Fighter II in a music CD player you can listen to the BGM tracks! There! Referenced three Sega Saturn games, actually the three games that used to come free with the system! LIFE'S MISSION COMPLETE!
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Day Twelve: I. GOT. NOTHIN'.
THIS PROMISES TO BE THE SHITTIEST POST YET. I. GOT. NOTHIN'.
(fourteen minutes pass)
STILL NOTHIN'.
(three more minutes)
I need to clean out my ears. The right one mainly.
I'm not sick anymore. My nose is stuffy but it's always a bit stuffy.
Was away all day. Watched the last twenty or so minutes of Kill Bill Vol 2 on Spike. Can't decide if my favorite part of that movie is "Are you calling me a superhero?" or when Darryl Hannah gets her other eye ripped out. No, it's definitely the eye thing.
Bought some more of those Tootsie Roll Pop Drops because I finally happened to be in another Albertson's which is the only place I've seen them. I can't remember if it was here or the Twitter where I last mentioned them, they're basically Tootsie Roll Pops without sticks. The last time I bought them the bag proved impossible to open and it exploded all over the floor of the movie theater and I lost a bunch of them. I then threatened violence against whoever designed the packaging. On the internet.
Apparently my concerns were noted because this time the bags have little notches punched in the bags to make them easy to rip open. Also this time I didn't eat them in a movie theater so I could actually see them and could tell what flavor I was getting.
The Blog has been spammed twice since I started the Great Blogsperiment, which proves at least that if you post more often you'll get spammed more often. Or it proves nothing. Correlation is not causation. That's both a fact and a Soul Coughing lyric!
(fourteen minutes pass)
STILL NOTHIN'.
(three more minutes)
I need to clean out my ears. The right one mainly.
I'm not sick anymore. My nose is stuffy but it's always a bit stuffy.
Was away all day. Watched the last twenty or so minutes of Kill Bill Vol 2 on Spike. Can't decide if my favorite part of that movie is "Are you calling me a superhero?" or when Darryl Hannah gets her other eye ripped out. No, it's definitely the eye thing.
Bought some more of those Tootsie Roll Pop Drops because I finally happened to be in another Albertson's which is the only place I've seen them. I can't remember if it was here or the Twitter where I last mentioned them, they're basically Tootsie Roll Pops without sticks. The last time I bought them the bag proved impossible to open and it exploded all over the floor of the movie theater and I lost a bunch of them. I then threatened violence against whoever designed the packaging. On the internet.
Apparently my concerns were noted because this time the bags have little notches punched in the bags to make them easy to rip open. Also this time I didn't eat them in a movie theater so I could actually see them and could tell what flavor I was getting.
The Blog has been spammed twice since I started the Great Blogsperiment, which proves at least that if you post more often you'll get spammed more often. Or it proves nothing. Correlation is not causation. That's both a fact and a Soul Coughing lyric!
Friday, November 06, 2009
Day Eleven: Damnit! I Forgot Day Eight Was Supposed to Be "Day Eight: Jason Takes Manhattan!" NOW EVERYTHING'S JUST RUINED!
Every word of it true. Instead I listed a series of colors that are also names of songs from Whirlwind Heat's first album.
The other day when I was in the store an old man who works there greeted me enthusiastically with "Happy November!" which confused me because I didn't think that was a thing. Are we just saying "Happy Whatever" these days? Won't that detract from actual holidays?
Oh man I'm totally saying "Happy Whatever" to people come Xmas-time. And I'll pause in the middle like I'm trying to decide which politically correct expression to use!
Anyway the same old man greeted me today with an equally oblique non-standard expression which I can't specifically recall. This again confused me.
I woke up early this morning and started to go back to sleep, but then as I lay awake I had an idea for a short film (or a long film or a series of short films, depends how I feel). It's a Seventh Seal parody, which might as well be a genre unto itself, and I've only written a little bit of it but first I need to figure out who I can get to act in it. I need at least a Death and a Dead Guy and everyone needs to be comfortable with me bossing them around a bit. The main problem is I only know about eight people and I don't think any of them really work. I might end up playing Death but then I need someone to work the camera and I don't trust any of them to do that.
IDEA FOR BOOK: Again following the Spurlock paradigm, I watch nothing but Fox News all day for 30 days and write a diary of the inevitable nervous breakdown which results. PROBLEM: I don't have cable. ALSO: It would be horrible. NEW IDEA FOR BOOK: I pretend I watched Fox News all day for 30 days and write an imaginary diary of the inevitable nervous breakdown I imagine would result. BONUS: That version could have aliens and sexy teenage vampires in it!
The other day when I was in the store an old man who works there greeted me enthusiastically with "Happy November!" which confused me because I didn't think that was a thing. Are we just saying "Happy Whatever" these days? Won't that detract from actual holidays?
Oh man I'm totally saying "Happy Whatever" to people come Xmas-time. And I'll pause in the middle like I'm trying to decide which politically correct expression to use!
Anyway the same old man greeted me today with an equally oblique non-standard expression which I can't specifically recall. This again confused me.
I woke up early this morning and started to go back to sleep, but then as I lay awake I had an idea for a short film (or a long film or a series of short films, depends how I feel). It's a Seventh Seal parody, which might as well be a genre unto itself, and I've only written a little bit of it but first I need to figure out who I can get to act in it. I need at least a Death and a Dead Guy and everyone needs to be comfortable with me bossing them around a bit. The main problem is I only know about eight people and I don't think any of them really work. I might end up playing Death but then I need someone to work the camera and I don't trust any of them to do that.
IDEA FOR BOOK: Again following the Spurlock paradigm, I watch nothing but Fox News all day for 30 days and write a diary of the inevitable nervous breakdown which results. PROBLEM: I don't have cable. ALSO: It would be horrible. NEW IDEA FOR BOOK: I pretend I watched Fox News all day for 30 days and write an imaginary diary of the inevitable nervous breakdown I imagine would result. BONUS: That version could have aliens and sexy teenage vampires in it!
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Day Ten: THINGS ON MY COMPUTER KEYBOARD TRAY
- keyboard
- mouse
- folding knife
- screwdriver
- flosser and refills for flosser
- pocket sewing kit
- pocket note pad
- mechanical pencil
- tube of off-brand Neosporin
- bottle of ibuprofen
- some receipts
- A/V switcher box
- 1/8" stereo to 1/4" stereo plug adapter
- keyring (no keys attached)
- tweezers (no twees attached)
- guitar pick
- toenail clippers
- MP3 player (with USB line leading back to my computer to recharge it, if I forget that it is plugged in and my computer turns off it REFUSES to reboot until I unplug my MP3 from it)
- battery tester
- two AA batteries my tester says are fine but my XBox insists are too flat to operate my controller and it starts blinking and then it turns off when I'm in the middle of missions. Fuck you XBox.
- dust mites, I expect
- ghost of the person I killed to get this swanky Tablemate II like you done seen on the TeeVee.
- now I'm just making stuff up
- treasure chest
- Hope diamond
- SNAKES!
- that's enough of this list
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