COMMERCIALS DUDES!

Here's me rambling about some commercials I've been seeing a lot lately:

VISA OLYMPICS:

It's odd: I hate sports, I hate athletes and I hate the Olympics but for some reason these ads give me a raging case of the warm-and-fuzzies. SHE DID IT ALL ON ONE FOOT PEOPLE! ONE FOOT! THAT CHICK HAS BALLS! (METAPHORICALLY SPEAKING (I CAN'T ATTEST TO THE PRESENCE OF MALE GENITALIA IN HER LEOTARD)). It HAS to be Morgan Freeman's narration. That man can make anything seem interesting.

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JC PENNEY REMAKES THE BREAKFAST CLUB:

HOLY SHIT THIS IS HORRIBLE! I mean kids in the 80's weren't exactly cool but FUCK that movie would've sucked if it had been made with these kids instead!

ATTENTION CURRENT TEENS AND TWEENS: YOU ARE OFFICIALLY THE WORST GENERATION EVER. THIS COMMERCIAL PROVES IT. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE THE WORST GENERATION EVER YOUR ONLY REMAINING CHANCE IS TO SET MILEY CYRUS ON FIRE! PURGE THE AWFULNESS WITH FLAMES!!!

I saw this for the first time in front of The Dark Knight and all throughout the movie there was a little voice in the back of my head going "WOW THAT COMMERCIAL SUCKED. I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU WATCH THIS MOVIE BECAUSE THAT COMMERCIAL SUCKED! LOOK SOMEBODY JUST EXPLODED BUT YOU DON'T CARE 'CAUSE THAT COMMERCIAL SUCKED!" DAMN YOU JC PENNEY!

Luckily it wore off and I was finally able to reflect on how awesome The Dark Knight was. But now they've run out of good Batman villains!

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MASTERCARD "ROOTS OF ROCK" AD:

I'm going to list three famous musicians, you tell me which one doesn't belong (and why):

Eric Clapton

Jon Bon Jovi

Kenny Chesney

...

Give up?

The answer is Eric Clapton, and the reason is HE DOESN'T SUCK.

WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT THOSE OTHER TWO ASSHATS WERE "LEGENDS OF ROCK"?!?!?

First of all, Kenny Chesney's a country singer, CLEARLY NOT ROCK, and while Bon Jovi is usually classified as "rock" I hesitate to even call it "music". Second of all, in all of music there's only one or two people who are even close to being on the same level as Eric Clapton and most of those guys are dead.

SOMEONE NEEDS TO BE FIRED AT MASTERCARD.