tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-339668922011-12-21T00:20:25.452-05:00The Great Joe Bivins is a twenty-something unemployed shut-in with a lot of misplaced anger who thinks very highly of himself and very lowly of everyone else. He writes funny things that you can read on the internet.The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.comBlogger2401100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-46604012275311219992011-12-21T00:20:00.000-05:002011-12-21T00:20:25.459-05:00

Bowing to the pressures of common sense, in my ongoing mission to conquer the world through writing and singing snarky songs about my depression and about how I think most people are blithering asshole idiots, I have painstakingly combed through the four albums in my Acoustafuckit series and put as many of the least awful songs as would fit onto one CD-R. For posterity's sake, here is the

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-46255665773343878892011-09-20T16:45:00.000-04:002011-09-20T16:45:59.000-04:00

Okay some months of dragging ass (also my computer was broken for a while in there) I finished re-encoding the first three Acoustafuckit albums to put them on Bandcamp, so now all four albums are available for free easy downloads from my Bandcamp site via the following links. Acoustafuckit Acoustafuckit Part Deux Acoustafuckit Parte Tres Acousta4kit

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-66675170660144427062011-03-19T19:36:00.000-04:002011-03-19T19:36:03.882-04:00

And I meant to do a blog post about it when I finished the album last month but I never did. You can go to my new Bandcamp page to download it, or there's a player widget right there in the sidebar of THIS VERY BLOG. (Eerie, right?) It comes in a nice package with the album art and an unrelated drawing of a dinosaur. I haven't uploaded the first three albums to Bandcamp yet for a variety of

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-59274118375453335282010-11-06T19:45:00.001-04:002010-11-06T19:48:03.306-04:00

This took longer to put together than it should have because my computer is terminally ill, but I made a music video for my song about Paul the Psychic Octopus. Because I don't have a camera that works and I find videos of people playing and singing kind of pointless anyway I doodled a bunch of octopii and threw them into a slideshow. The result is pretty great I think.

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-22622286115579543102010-10-07T16:28:00.000-04:002010-10-07T16:28:19.616-04:00

Listen to this for me real quick: If that player's not working you can go to the song page and play it from there. It's the chorus of a song I wrote for the music movie I'm writing (it will also probably be on Acoustafourkit when I get around to that) and I'm trying to decide if I can replicate the sound of a choir by layering my own vocal tracks one on top of the

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-16613789410273691492010-10-04T01:30:00.000-04:002010-10-04T01:30:36.969-04:00

I feel like I had all kinds of great things I wanted to say about this but I'm pooped from spending the last four days dealing with technical and mix issues. PLUM TUCKERED OUT, FELLAS. The tracklist: Theme from Man From Caucasia Emergence I'm Gonna Die Everything That You Believe is Stupid Enlarge That Penis Right Now! God is a T.V. The Continuing Adventures of Captain Pathetic Tinfoil

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-9109947113505410362010-09-12T18:26:00.000-04:002010-09-12T18:26:27.486-04:00

SPOILER ALERT! READ THE ISSUE BEFORE YOU READ THIS! I'M TOTALLY GOING TO GIVE AWAY ALL THE BIG HUGE TWISTS AND TELL YOU WHO THE FATHER OF TED'S BABY IS! When issue #2 ended I observed it was only four pages shorter than my book, WHICH SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS. At sixty-three pages, issue #4 of Joe Bivins: Man Genius, "Planet of the Squirrels", is actually two pages LONGER than my book. But I don't

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-82912651080807028212010-09-07T21:58:00.001-04:002010-09-08T12:12:01.950-04:00

Because I'm JUST SO VERY INTERESTING I know you're dying to know what's going on with me and so YOU GOT IT, BABY. First, I just finished issue #4 of my TOTALLY BAD-ASS AND SUPER-POPULAR AND PROFESSIONAL WEBCOMIC THAT PEOPLE READ Joe Bivins: Man Genius on Sunday. I'm going to do a proper write-up of it with the bonus images as I have done in the past, I just don't feel like doing it right now.

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-59928164207214317292010-07-27T04:11:00.000-04:002010-07-27T04:11:23.633-04:00

I just now figured out you can embed a music player from this site. Nifty: I was going to "premiere" this song at the open mike tonight but I don't think I'm going to feel up to playing out this week as I feel like total crap. So instead I recorded it onto my mp3 player's voice recorder and I've put it up here. It's one of a batch of new songs I wrote a few weeks ago for Acoustafuckit Parte

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-1444826639133224352010-07-11T15:31:00.001-04:002010-07-11T15:35:21.168-04:00

Okay so I was supposed to be drawing tomorrow's page but somehow I got sidetracked and drew a bunch of alternate hairstyles for the comic book Joe model and some other crap. Since my comic is 110% digital (margin of error +/- 10%) I laid all the various crap I drew out on a new image and I present it to you here as My Imaginary Sketchbook (from Playskool): (Click to embiggen)

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-14796759752644379522010-07-07T19:47:00.000-04:002010-07-07T19:47:50.090-04:00

Here's a ridiculous song I have written. After reading this article, I felt humanity was doing itself a disservice not having a theme song for this majestic creature of the sea who apparently likes soccer. So I immediately wrote one. Here are the lyrics: People in the world today believe all kinds of stupid shit Like healing crystals and horoscopes and transubstantiation But me, I don't buy

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-51803124759335817982010-06-09T21:18:00.001-04:002010-06-09T22:38:48.324-04:00

(Aside: that title makes me sound like I'm 90 and don't understand this newfangled gizmo that's just a TV with a typewriter in front of it and WHEN I WAS A YOUNGIN' WE LISTENED TO THE RADIO AND WE LIKED IT! DAMN WHIPPERSNAPPERS WITH YOUR WACKY WEED AND YOUR GROUP SEX!) (Aside aside: "newfangled" sounds like it ought to be something to do with dentistry or vampires or sabretooth tigers.)

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-45476748799407287422010-05-26T20:05:00.001-04:002010-05-31T16:51:26.018-04:00

Been practicing the bass guitar lately because I'm trying to get in a band, and bass is really my better instrument. Today for a change I plugged in my fuzz box, too, and one thing led to another and I spent an hour on this experiment, documented below: QUESTION: Which songs by the White Stripes would be totally badass if played on a fuzz bass? INTRODUCTION: I really like a band called

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-35286746753955198882010-05-24T17:09:00.001-04:002010-05-24T17:11:12.785-04:00

If we are ever travelling together never take me to Stonehenge because I'll just spend the entire time casually quoting lyrics from the song. Like so: YOU: So how old is Stonehenge anyway? ME: Well this guidebook here says they were built "in ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawning of history." It continues, referring to the Druids: "No one knows who they were or what they were

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-17903654948243913642010-05-07T10:43:00.000-04:002010-05-07T10:43:19.889-04:00

I AM A CONSUMMATE PROFESSIONAL except in that I'm totally not. I forgot maybe the two MOST IMPORTANT bonus images from VAFT, which are actually pages I deleted from the comic. When I first started working on this comic I had the notion that each issue would have a cover page and each would have a credits/cast page (like I've seen in some print comics). I made the credits page for this and the

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-38082769770803263872010-05-06T17:33:00.001-04:002010-05-06T18:17:53.144-04:00

In the Spring of 2008, I set about planning a new long form adventure comic version of Hilarious Autobiographickal Internet Comic, having already experimented with a heavier format for the last two HAIC's, Mirror'd and I'm Dreaming of a Red Christmas. The first story I wrote for this version, and the first comic script I ever wrote not in a comic strip format, was Vampires at Ford's Theatre.

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-69573478386679763452010-05-02T02:19:00.000-04:002010-05-02T02:19:58.893-04:00

 (NOTE: Click all images for full size, some with text annotations) Today I want to tell you about the lost Stolen JPEG Theatre series, The Mysterious Doctor StrangeDuck. You may remember Stolen JPEG Theatre as the home of Norweigan Forest Cat in Space! and The Internet Avenger. Well one day, as often happens, I heard something on the news that was unintentionally ridiculously hilarious. This

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-32656307939076622202010-04-13T08:27:00.000-04:002010-04-13T08:27:47.228-04:00

Here, listen to this weird crap that Audacity did to this recording. I'm up really late, so late that it's now mid-morning. I was playing guitar and thought I'd try recording a song with this shitty ambient mic I have, which is so oddly sensitive my guitar playing records fine but my singing causes it to distort, which just shows how loudly I sing these days. I didn't always sing that loud, I

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-43837815382979390872010-04-06T20:50:00.000-04:002010-04-06T20:50:06.397-04:00

Like I said when I brought you HAIC: The Lost Story a few months back, there are a bunch of comics on my hard drive in various stages of completion that I never bothered to finish or post anywhere. What keeps happening though is I go into my old Satan's Evil Square folders to get at half-finished designs from the HAIC era to adapt for Joe Bivins: Man Genius, and I stumble upon old scripts and

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-45004281298626717422010-03-20T03:50:00.001-04:002010-03-27T08:58:59.659-04:00

Damn I wish I had more gummi bears. I bought some earlier and, as I said on the Twitter, they were really good. I could have more in a few minutes, as the 7-11 I bought them at is open all night and is right next to my house, but I must resist the temptation to walk back over there and buy more! For one thing, if the same people are working, that's embarrassing, in an admittedly abstract way.

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-15156833698317572102010-03-01T00:16:00.003-05:002010-03-01T00:57:46.263-05:00

A grocery receipt staring at me from just beyond my keyboard declares I "HAVE SAVED A TOTAL OF 1,900.64 WITH [my] CUSTOMER REWARD CARD." That seems bizarrely high, as the period it is measuring starts some seven months ago when I moved into this place and applied for my customer reward card because the only grocery store within walking distance is aggravatingly also the only local grocery chain

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-67122100727262143002010-02-21T10:28:00.004-05:002010-02-21T20:34:01.566-05:00

Nerd points if you recognize what the cover is an homage to:(Get enough nerd points and George Lucas has to give you a handjob: it's true! (That's gross why would I even say that?))Here are the song titles:The World Outside My HeadOnly Getting OlderS.E.X.Leave Me the Fuck AloneChronic IndignityIsolatedSolid GroundCry for HelpI Don't Have a Lot of Nice Things to Say About MyselfFamiliar Old

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-12148853423796491892010-02-15T02:23:00.003-05:002010-02-15T04:26:13.059-05:00

It's February 2010 and the Joe Bivins: Man Genius 2009 Christmas Special is done. Luckily comics are awesome all year round. Not like that milk you bought in December. That milk is no longer awesome. You should throw it out.Well this issue took a lot longer than I wanted it to because I didn't realize that virtually every page had something major I'd have to design for it. And all the action

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-51492486554865350302010-02-13T03:36:00.006-05:002010-03-27T08:51:54.097-04:00

Every time I type the word "blogging" I almost type "blooging." I'm just going to say that from now on. I dare ANYONE to correct me. THIS IS MY BLOOG AND I WILL SPELL IT ANY WAY I WANT. Blooging commences NOW! Hold on, I've got a sugar rush going, let's add a little caffeine and see if we can't make it a full blown hyperspace trip. I'm trying to remember what I did all through November when I

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-44819638005896879352010-01-18T14:05:00.003-05:002010-01-18T14:34:41.492-05:00

What can I say about this? I took an unflattering picture of myself and photoshopped the shit out of it. Then I added a silly slogan and I posted it here:

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-1961188685127658752010-01-14T11:50:00.002-05:002010-01-14T12:23:46.902-05:00

So the other day I had one of those things where I sleep through a whole day and then wake up and the whole world has gone insane. Except instead of the whole world it's usually something to do with television. This time it seemed NBC had pushed Conan O'Brien too far in their sucking of Jay Leno's ass and Conan had decided to walk rather than see the Tonight Show pushed to 12:05 AM the next day.

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-24665277735136957802010-01-07T18:02:00.003-05:002010-01-07T18:41:33.665-05:00

[These Twitter posts have been modified from their original version. New material not in the Twitter posts has been added for this release.]So I've been gone a couple days and not working on my comics or anything because I had a problem with my place and had to stay at my mom's house for a couple days while it was sorted.What was the problem? I won't tell you because it is disgusting. Let's just

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-7447226993614020942009-12-19T02:58:00.002-05:002009-12-19T04:20:41.019-05:00

It took a year, but the 2008 Christmas Special is complete. Actually it didn't take a year, I worked on it for less than a month and then let it sit from January to September, when I got back to it, again for less than a month, and then I finally hit my stride in December and did 34 pages in 18 days.The hope was to finish the 2008 Special in time to do the 2009 Special before Christmas, but

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-13777933175028206592009-12-17T05:25:00.002-05:002009-12-17T05:29:02.183-05:00

Here's a thing I wrote while talking to myself:Humor is an art like any other, and in humor, as in all art, there is an eternal struggle between pure improvisation and meticulous forethought. As the artist you must walk between these two lines like a drunk with double vision failing a sobriety test, moving towards one and then the other but never touching either line. For pure improvisation is

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-65112806041593568362009-12-11T04:52:00.002-05:002009-12-11T05:38:18.244-05:00

Sometimes when looking for something in my files I get lost looking at old forgotten drawings and reading half-started scripts and fragments of stories. At some point I wrote a few lines of a sequel to HAIC: Women Troubles, which is the main HAIC story I've eradicated from the Joe Bivins: Man Genius continuity, mainly because it relies heavily on HAIC's lack of a fourth wall, which JB:MG does

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-31466704882862968622009-11-30T08:27:00.002-05:002009-11-30T09:11:09.424-05:00

Bivins' First Law of ElectroWonk Success states that success on the interwebz comes not from talent, but from determination. A flood of shit-awful content will always beat a trickle of brilliance.Bivins' Second Law of ElectroWonk Success states that if you talk about topics that people frequently do Google searches for those people will end up on your blog.What am I getting at? Well, the

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-13745840990250754342009-11-29T11:08:00.004-05:002009-11-29T18:57:28.876-05:00

So I made a new Soundclick page and put Acoustafuckit up there and I've put a little player in the sidebar here that you can listen to all the tracks (except for the Secret Bonus Track for Closers Only, which is only on my personal version of the album.) You can also go to the page and download all the tracks individually, and here's the front and back covers if you want them. (Also it seems when

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-60586650720428521902009-11-28T15:27:00.006-05:002009-11-28T15:54:27.331-05:00

Holy crap did you read Dinosaur Comics yesterday? Quoth the T-Rex:"Yeah, when people talk to me about intelligent design I yell 'BEDBUGS HAVE INSTITUTIONALIZED STAB RAPES!'."The title text also references "weaponized junk", which might be the best neologism yet coined in that comic (jennifing included).Yesterday it was cold (but not freezing) so my mom, my sister and I went to the beach. We

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-5745883231611412812009-11-27T18:54:00.005-05:002009-11-27T19:18:23.399-05:00

Google.co.uk search: "nut type puns"Gotta love them wacky British type people.I've been listening to Acoustafuckit over and over again trying to decide if I want to take another whack at any of the tracks. There aren't any terribly noticeable mistakes, but in abstract musiciany ways I feel like some of the tracks could be better.In a public restroom the other day I encountered for the first time

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-80208146513871450392009-11-26T05:14:00.002-05:002009-11-26T06:10:56.030-05:00

Have to do this early before I go to my mom's house. I'm not leaving for hours but I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep so we're doing this now. Also I've been wanting to pay off the Third Rock joke since yesterday.Last night I went to the mailbox to put a DVD back in it (I know it won't leave till Friday but I didn't have anything better to do.) The trailer park was chock full of

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-36794428248489988182009-11-25T15:56:00.003-05:002009-11-25T16:18:55.862-05:00

Well, I finished the acoustic album I've been working on for the past few days, and made album art for it, AND got Windows Media Player and my mp3 player to display the correct album art for it (though WMP kept me on my toes by mixing up the front cover with the back at first, but I fixed it). This illustrates the amount of work I put into a typical project. Time from inception of idea to

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-3634344407727237572009-11-24T04:01:00.002-05:002009-11-24T04:59:43.917-05:00

Like I said last week when I bashed Transformers 2, up next on the chopping block is another toy-franchise-turned-cartoon-franchise-turned-much-delayed-motion-picture: G.I. Joe: The Most Ridiculous Idea for a Movie Since Transformers.It's been a string of epically bad blockbuster films lately, before Transformers 2: Revenge of the Robots That Turn Into Cars and Some Other Things was Indiana Jones

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-21429023122046559272009-11-23T18:31:00.003-05:002009-11-23T19:17:57.718-05:00

Last night I went out to put my Netflix movies in the mailbox and then I went over to the 7-11 to get some snacks. After I ate the snacks I recorded myself playing some songs and as I was kind of urpy (from the snacks), while singing one song I burped directly into the microphone. I haven't listened to the whole thing yet and I can't remember which song it should be on but I REALLY hope it's

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-7312188713055133482009-11-22T16:30:00.002-05:002009-11-22T16:48:40.215-05:00

Watching Office reruns again. Bored. Bored? Yes bored. Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored. And now I've come on the Internet to inflict my boredom onto you, unsuspecting reader! Searching for nut puns or that funny picture from The Day the Earth Stood Still I made or "jennifing" (surprising how many people Google words that Ryan North made up.)Is it not weird that they

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-55394271961768256492009-11-21T17:27:00.003-05:002009-11-21T17:42:54.110-05:00

I have no need for an attorney, so the ones who constantly bombard me with commercials whenever I watch TV are annoying as hell. One of them makes several questionable claims and whenever I hear it my brain makes up a more believable version:"If you have questions about your case, email me at my personal email address. This is the same address I use to make appointments with hookers on Craigslist

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-57179896723162251612009-11-20T21:03:00.004-05:002009-11-20T21:38:35.746-05:00

Ack, nothing on TV. Why am I being punished for not liking shows about women who talk to ghosts or professional wrestling or Dateline or reruns of crappy shows or Shrek the Third (they haven't been good since the first one...and even that was just okay)?While trying to come up with something else to write, the Blog was spammed AGAIN. It's always the same post that gets spammed, too. What is it

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-29677074364309520412009-11-19T15:32:00.002-05:002009-11-19T16:11:35.239-05:00

What the living crap am I watching? (looks it up) Crossroads Cafe? Originally aired on PBS? That explains this lengthy educational segment between scenes. It's kind of like Twin Peaks without all the interesting stuff. Or Saved By The Bell but without the young people.Hey! The douchey guy with an acoustic guitar show is on! "Yeah, when I wrote that song I was getting over a bad breakup. My hair?

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-14746132748445435122009-11-18T22:04:00.002-05:002009-11-18T22:36:22.661-05:00

Uhura is apparently already a Lieutenant when they leave for Vulcan even though she's still at the academy.McCoy says something to Nurse Chapel in the first sick bay scene but she is off-screen.Apparently in the alternate universe stardates are now just the year in AD plus some decimals. I hope they realize some Trekkies actually think there was a logic behind the old stardate system!The uniforms

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-70710297211493670582009-11-17T19:19:00.003-05:002009-11-17T19:58:06.049-05:00

I watched Transformers 2 the other day. That movie was all kinds of awful. Even worse than Transformers 1, actually. I realized while watching it that my main criticism of the first film was that the robots take too long to show up, but Transformers 2 STARTS with a huge robot fight and honestly that's even more boring. The big fight at the end of 1 was intensely boring and the big fights ALL THE

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-16363109196933053302009-11-17T01:51:00.002-05:002009-11-17T02:14:54.555-05:00

Judges? Oh right I'm the only judge. STILL COUNTS FUCKERS.I was out all day, took a road trip up to the panhandle with my mom and my sister. Mom had business up there, I love long car trips, and my sister doesn't like to be left out.We managed to avoid any semblance of civilization after leaving the Orlando city limits, truckstops were our reality until we reached our destination, a string of

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-16036184726017638082009-11-15T14:36:00.004-05:002009-11-15T14:59:40.765-05:00

&&&&&&&&& &&&&& && &&& && && &&& &&&& && && && &&& No I'm just kidding folks.Last night the people next door had some sort of gathering, I believe to watch a sporting event as I could hear an announcer blaring on their television and the kind of shouting they were doing was clearly related to an athletic competition.The night before I went out around 10:30 to go to 7-11, I started to walk up my

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-25994945771456153882009-11-14T21:01:00.002-05:002009-11-14T21:05:25.226-05:00

___ __ _______ ____ ____ ______ __ _ _____ ____ ____ ________ ______ ________ ____________ ___ ____ __ ___ _____ ____ ____ ____ ______ ______ ____ _____ _____ __ ____ ___ ___ ______ ___ ____ _____ ____ ____ _____ _____ ____ ___ ___ ____ _____ ____ _________ _____ ___ _____ ___ _____ ___ __ ____ _____ __________ _____ ___ ___________ ___ ________ _______ _______ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-68062319968891406632009-11-13T14:50:00.002-05:002009-11-13T15:05:42.246-05:00

From the engine revving noises there would seem to be a biker gang outside my house. Better break out my good numchucks (I am now committed to writing it AND saying it that way) and put on my faded jeans and white tank top and go 80's AMERICAN NINJA STYLE ON THEIR ASSES.I don't know if anyone but me is getting that joke. I don't care I think it's great.Part of me wants to get up and look outside

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-3373517103593731082009-11-12T12:38:00.002-05:002009-11-12T12:54:14.940-05:00

Cold in my house today, wearing my KICK-ASS ACTION COAT. Speaking of, I worked on the comic WHICH FEATURES SAID COAT last night, and by "worked on" I mean I sat with the word processor open glancing intermittently at the script while watching The Office on Netflix. BOTTOM LINE: not much progress! Boy do I suck at life!(time passes)There are train tracks not very far from my place, I can always

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-89335531146953591342009-11-11T16:06:00.004-05:002009-12-22T17:10:46.478-05:00

God damnit is there no mail today? DAMN HELL ASS.Why can't they make Veteran's Day one of those always-on-a-Monday holidays? It's not as annoying when the mail doesn't come on Monday as opposed to the middle of the week. The only reason it's on November 11th is because of Armistice Day and I think just about everyone who fought in World War I is dead now anyway. I love that Michael McKean quoted

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-3027168526544267032009-11-10T19:17:00.002-05:002009-11-10T19:49:30.721-05:00

Only because I can't think of anything else to write, here's a story: yesterday I went to the store and Bailey (the cashier that pissed me off last week, and that is definitely his name by the way, I confirmed it yesterday) was working. As I walked in I briefly caught eyes with him, and he totally gave me the stink-eye. Somehow I found this extremely validating and I was in a good mood the whole

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-58151867838781160692009-11-09T11:41:00.002-05:002009-11-09T12:13:23.919-05:00

I'm going to do the bleary-eyed half-asleep thing again because...I don't know why but I'm doing it though.Last night at midnight while taking my Netflix DVDs back to the mailbox I passed one of my neighbors with his hands full of mail HA! I'm not the only one in my neighborhood who uses the mailbox in the middle of the night! I wonder if he's a vampire? He didn't look it.(several minutes pass)

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-20639317599402515282009-11-08T16:17:00.003-05:002009-11-08T17:02:06.620-05:00

Oh dear, I seem to have run out of thoughts.(time passes, the outside world continues on as normal)I'M GOING TO BREAK OUT MY SEGA SATURN AND PLAY VIRTUA COP I GOT THE LIGHT GUN AND EVERYTHING. No, I won't. But BUT my Saturn is already out so if needed I can get set up in like NO TIME. Need to get a big giant HDTV so the guy in the white jumpsuit is big as life when I shoot him right between the

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-57803386675226925152009-11-07T21:29:00.004-05:002009-11-07T22:06:33.888-05:00

THIS PROMISES TO BE THE SHITTIEST POST YET. I. GOT. NOTHIN'.(fourteen minutes pass)STILL NOTHIN'.(three more minutes)I need to clean out my ears. The right one mainly.I'm not sick anymore. My nose is stuffy but it's always a bit stuffy.Was away all day. Watched the last twenty or so minutes of Kill Bill Vol 2 on Spike. Can't decide if my favorite part of that movie is "Are you calling me a

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-19534416286871761712009-11-06T13:06:00.002-05:002009-11-06T13:30:05.664-05:00

Every word of it true. Instead I listed a series of colors that are also names of songs from Whirlwind Heat's first album.The other day when I was in the store an old man who works there greeted me enthusiastically with "Happy November!" which confused me because I didn't think that was a thing. Are we just saying "Happy Whatever" these days? Won't that detract from actual holidays?Oh man I'm

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-85185149838165900102009-11-05T15:34:00.003-05:002009-12-24T23:08:04.966-05:00

keyboardmousefolding knifescrewdriverflosser and refills for flosserpocket sewing kitpocket note padmechanical penciltube of off-brand Neosporinbottle of ibuprofensome receiptsA/V switcher box1/8" stereo to 1/4" stereo plug adapterkeyring (no keys attached)tweezers (no twees attached)guitar picktoenail clippersMP3 player (with USB line leading back to my computer to recharge it, if I forget that

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-52114445271349855722009-11-04T13:30:00.005-05:002009-11-04T15:15:25.575-05:00

I'm kind of fuming because just now at the store I got some serious passive aggressive shit from the cashier. The sitch:So what with my extreme social phobia I very rarely speak to people when I'm out in public. And unless someone asks me a specific question, like say "What time is it?" or "Did you just see that boy scout run through here?", when someone speaks to me I never manage more than to

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-383867600913911682009-11-03T13:28:00.002-05:002009-11-03T13:58:37.484-05:00

LIKE A TRASHBAG HELMET MAN.Yeah I had a song stuck in my head earlier and I remembered that I didn't have it on my computer because it was from back when I used to buy CDs and also is one I haven't listened to since I've owned an MP3 player so I've never ripped it. So I got into my box of CDs and decided this was the time to rip all the CDs I haven't ripped yet that I keep wanting to hear again.

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-66891259975046781312009-11-02T12:05:00.002-05:002009-11-02T12:32:12.499-05:00

Told you.Slightly sicker today. Will continue to not leave the house and lay around watching TV and drinking plenty of fluids. Ah crap but I'm almost out of soda. Will continue to do those things after I go to the store later to get some more soda.Trying again to come up with an idea for a book. I have decided my last idea, which was NO IDEA AT ALL, was stupid and pointless and I already have The

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-68417961320919831812009-11-01T15:04:00.003-05:002009-11-01T16:10:40.008-05:00

HEY: shut up!Okay apparently this is the time of year that I get a cold because I woke up last night with ONE swollen gland ASYMMETRICAL GET IT? Just the one on the right, so freaking aggravating. It's always a little different but it always lasts about a week.Went on a long bike ride today with my mom (yes my life is just that exciting). On a paved bike path we passed a bunch of weird back yards

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-8161546006180466422009-10-31T17:50:00.003-04:002009-10-31T19:08:20.411-04:00

Halloween. 5:51 PM. Still daylight. Do kids trick or treat at night anymore or do they do it while it's still light out? I mean, screw safety, fun things don't happen when the sun is out! Haven't had any little monsters (in Hannah Montana costumes) come knocking, hopefully they'll assume I'm not home or I don't have candy or that nobody lives here because most of my neighbors have never seen

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-2916627479727162332009-10-30T10:14:00.002-04:002009-10-30T10:34:28.465-04:00

I may decide this isn't just a thirty day experiment. I may just commit to posting something stupid here every day until I die or get something better to do.I was going to do the same post-as-soon-as-I-wake-up thing I did the last two days but then I didn't for some reason. Therefore I am not bleary-eyed and droopy but I forgot to shower this morning so I AM greasy and sweaty (and I've been to

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-55790295126154895752009-10-29T19:14:00.004-04:002009-10-29T23:12:27.539-04:00

Again, just woke up. Again, bleary eyed. It's much later today because I went to sleep at ten this morning. Added about four pages to the book I was working on. No excerpts today, but you're not missing anything, it's basically The Blog in book form. There's no way anyone will want to read it but I'm going to write the damn thing anyway.SPOOKY HALLOWEEN STORY: I was almost asleep this morning but

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-53929483770496034342009-10-28T16:30:00.002-04:002009-10-28T17:44:04.122-04:00

No kidding people, I just slept like fourteen hours. I've been up a half hour but I'm still all groggy and sluggish and my eyes are blurry and half-open like a new-born puppy (but not covered in placental goop). Did you ever have someone insult you in a dream and all you can say is "Err...um...NUH-UH!" Last night someone in my subconscious was criticizing my eating habits and I couldn't think of

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-83096961300978642042009-10-27T14:26:00.008-04:002009-10-27T15:55:16.671-04:00

(The DVD of that actually has an exclamation point after the title on the label. IT'S NOT A BROADWAY MUSICAL, MAN. Oh wait...IT SHOULD BE.)Am I still delisted on Project Wonderful? Eh fuck those guys. I don't need their pennies. Also I'm not able to collect the pennies anyway. Better than Adsense I guess.Right, what to blog about? What to blog...ABOUT. ACK! DAMN MY LIFE AND ITS LACK OF THINGS

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-49889757907327549052009-09-21T08:37:00.002-04:002009-09-21T08:51:37.787-04:00

My Classic Techno Anthem reimagined for 2009!I listen to the old song occasionally and I started to think I could do something more with it than I had done five years ago when I originally made it. So this morning I threw together a new more insane version.

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-53573218415253145092009-09-12T12:06:00.002-04:002009-09-12T12:08:29.687-04:00

Here's a song I did.I don't have anything else to say about it I guess. I'm going to watch Doctor Who DVDs now.

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-42702906758237639952009-09-11T07:41:00.004-04:002009-09-11T07:52:44.611-04:00

If you were wondering what the Hell I was on about on Twitter the other day talking about elephants it was this album cover that sparked it:I would question the sanity of anyone who does children's music. To be fair, these people had a TV show with an elephant, but honestly I also would question the sanity of anyone who would have a TV show with an elephant. Anyway I find the cover ridiculous

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-87610974553063396482009-08-11T18:32:00.004-04:002009-08-11T18:50:31.474-04:00

Remember when people used AOL and then they made a crappy romantic comedy about it? I DO!Anyway I was digging through the archives this morning and happened upon this poster I made (which is a loose parody of several classic skiffy movies, including The Day The Earth Stood Still, Earth Vs. The Flying Saucers and Planet of the Apes); and I remembered how amusing I found it. So I decided to make

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-2220215192292208922009-08-10T12:55:00.004-04:002009-08-10T14:49:47.686-04:00

(QUICK ASIDE: I got frustrated trying to figure out the correct capitalization scheme for that title so I gave up. Can I get some opinions from the Peanut Gallery? (All two of you, don't be shy!))(untranslatable frustrated shouting/screaming)!!! I said on the Twitter I was in a funny mood this morning, well that passed but I felt like catching up on some internet reading since I'd been reading,

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-78654192199339160352009-06-11T23:10:00.002-04:002009-06-11T23:17:06.820-04:00

Another comic featuring the blob things from the Drug comic (specifically the blonde one).

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-68109360028355866422009-06-09T02:56:00.002-04:002009-06-09T03:04:54.036-04:00

My hostility towards anti-drug PSAs comes to a head.I don't know if they're getting worse or I'm just getting more irritable (that's not true, I KNOW I'm getting more irritable, that's neither here nor there) but I'm getting more and more annoyed every time I see anti-drug ads. Here I flip them, and also invented a nifty new figure style reminiscent of the little lump thing in the Zoloft ads, but

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-7573544757106983312009-06-03T17:27:00.004-04:002009-06-07T16:46:18.285-04:00

Dinosaur Comics June 3rd, 2009[OPEN BRACKET! The first few sentences of this comment are adapted from my Twitter feed CLOSE BRACKET!]This reminds me of how utterly stupid my piano teacher in high school was. He was a large fat man obsessed with musicals. He was mainly the chorus teacher and gave not two shits about teaching us piano, nor did virtually anyone in the class care to learn piano. I

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-67514826478849060712009-05-28T20:10:00.002-04:002009-05-28T21:21:54.857-04:00

Heh, examining my traffic for a second I thought I was really popular with Rhode Island this week, then I noticed it's mostly the same IP and it's the person who went in my Shoutbox and suggested I kill myself. Guys I know it's the internet but that seems harsh somehow. Perhaps before suggesting suicide you might try some constructive criticism, give me examples of how I can improve the blog or

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-88690826416805169472009-05-21T23:00:00.002-04:002009-05-22T00:26:35.867-04:00

It's been SOOOO LONG since I bothered to blog! Guys it's actually been almost two months even since I did my last blog which was just me saying "Fuck". (I'll be sad to have that not be listed as my most recent post on TFFU, though. (Firefox's spelling suggestions for "TFFU": TOFU, TIFF, EFFUSE)).Of course the reason I haven't done a blog in like forever yo is that-- THOUGHT INTERRUPTED!! --Oh

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-64064098268860160472009-03-26T05:45:00.000-04:002009-03-26T05:46:02.211-04:00

FUCK.That is all.

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-84701187162952066772009-03-01T04:57:00.002-05:002009-03-01T05:56:52.870-05:00

I think it goes without saying but "Ack."Despite all the work I put into writing and designing it (and how positively thrilled I was to invent a comic with such a premise), I can't seem to get myself to actually draw my current comic project Joe Bivins: Man Genius.Not willing to give up on it, I have resolved to find an artist. But during the time I'm pretending to look for an artist (my social

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-9314916827372065152009-02-26T07:34:00.003-05:002009-02-26T07:49:57.574-05:00

I've just stumbled onto a Google page translating some archive pages of my blog into French which I'm sure would be even funnier if I could speak French. I remember a tiny bit of French from a class I had in 8th grade. That's not really enough to do anything with. But I have enough experience with translators to recognize that some of the Blog seems to translate okay while certain passages are

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-75728456763021382042009-02-18T05:45:00.002-05:002009-02-18T06:36:23.814-05:00

I bought a new lava lamp. I'm currently afraid to look away too long because I don't want to miss when it throws its first good bubble. The wax has softened and rounded and now it's just a matter of time until it finally blurps up a good bubble. It's thrown up a little trapped oxygen and some lint and dust and crap but no bubbles yet.Since Thursday it has become a running gag in my family that I

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-60266168927822638512009-02-15T23:22:00.005-05:002009-02-16T00:19:18.970-05:00

Whoa...that was freaky!LISTEN: I'm watching Family Guy now on Adult Swim, and it's "Stewie Kills Lois" (which I hate when they show without "Lois Kills Stewie", the second half of the story. These are reruns people, reruns shouldn't have cliffhangers. Although I do love the use of the TNG credit font on the "To Be Continued" card. And I believe Majel Barrett does the voice-over for the "

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-84973224762166042942009-01-04T08:44:00.001-05:002009-01-04T08:45:59.043-05:00

Here, I have drawn the cover for a comic in which Dave Coulier and Matt Le Blanc fight with chainsaws. I shan't draw the whole comic, the cover is plenty.

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-39807438721706254682009-01-01T00:02:00.003-05:002009-01-04T22:55:32.349-05:00

Drinking the IBC Root Beer I was saving, I'm still pissed I wasn't able to locate any Jones Strawberry Lime soda over the past month. I don't really believe in holidays, as they are primarily social occasions and I don't have any friends. Also I hate people.Another reason New Year's doesn't really appeal to me is that I don't drink, and this is the binge-drinkinest party night of 'em all. If I

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-32314563482900060612008-12-19T22:50:00.002-05:002008-12-19T23:08:24.035-05:00

Trekkie flags are flying at half-mast: Majel-Barrett Roddenberry died. My only question: did she live long enough to record the voice of the computers in the new Star Trek? I DON'T THINK I CAN FACE A STAR TREK PRODUCTION WITHOUT HER VOICE WARNING OF IMPENDING ROMULAN ATTACKS!!!FINALLY Memory Alpha's News Feed has actual news to report!I hereby demand that the SciFi Channel devote a whole day to a

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-23433268745906662712008-12-18T19:01:00.002-05:002008-12-18T19:03:54.569-05:00

I posted the first two pages of the much hyped Joe Bivins: Man Genius: Christmas Special last night. I hope to have at least a couple more later tonight. Also, hey! First issue of my new comic! Get excited about that maybe huh?

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-48821734981246371132008-12-14T22:29:00.002-05:002008-12-14T23:14:04.739-05:00

Dang flat screen monitor whose picture degrades if I don't look straight at it! Otherwise it has bitchin' picture but FUCKING SHIT I LIKES TA LOUNGE SIDEWAYS IN MA CHAIR!!!So school's over, now the only stressor is the self-imposed deadline for my Christmas comic. I MUST FINISH IT. BUT...I'M SO DAMN LAZY!MUST DRAW COMICS!NO! MUST WATCH LAW AND ORDER RERUNS!NO! COMICS! LAW AND ORDER! COMICS! LAW

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-16620647034419354632008-12-05T12:54:00.002-05:002008-12-05T13:05:37.333-05:00

Say, why is it in that commercial where the girl is trying to play Telephone with her butt, she puts her butt up to the next girl's ear and the girl's like "Eww get your stanky butt out my face ho LOL" cause that's how teenage girls talk but the girl before her didn't seem to mind whispering into the one girl's butt? She gets right up in there and whispers right into her poop chute like the

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-78417946428314498462008-11-30T15:10:00.002-05:002008-11-30T15:43:35.359-05:00

The following post will be entirely in guttural grunting noises:ARRRRRGGGGHHH GGRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR AAAAAACCCCCCKKK!!!!!!Okay but not really. I have to write a paper for philosophy class today, but I just can't find my muse (I left out a can of tuna for her and everything DAMN YOU FURRY BITCH YES MY MUSE IS FURRY). It's probably because I spend all the classes paying zero attention while

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-75278713860643304212008-11-05T20:55:00.002-05:002008-11-05T21:34:47.424-05:00

You know, I feel like I'm supposed to be enthusiastic. That was never an option. I don't have an enthusiastic bone left in my body (I used to have them but several years ago I was diagnosed with Enthusiastic Marrow Toxicity (EMTox) and I had to have all the enthusiastic bones removed (they tried just irradiating them but it just gave me superpowers (I can telepathically communicate with cats...

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-26852185100286781662008-10-31T23:10:00.003-04:002008-10-31T23:56:47.423-04:00

Here's an interesting trend I'm having: I keep almost Twittering and then Blogging instead when I realize I have enough crap in my head to justify a whole blog post!My Mom insisted on giving the little girls across the street candy today even though they weren't wearing costumes AND THAT'S ILLEGAL MOTHER I'M REPORTING YOU TO THE AUTHORITIES I THINK THE PENALTY IS PROBABLY DEATH. I demanded she

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-80993722215697013972008-10-30T17:33:00.004-04:002008-10-30T22:21:14.362-04:00

I'm casting my vote for Joe the Plumber getting his skull smashed in with a pipe wrench. I only hope I can fit that in the little blank next to "Write-in". And I hope Sarah Palin's igloo collapses and she is crushed and trapped for weeks living off body fat and melting ice until she finally is eaten by polar bears. That's right, I'm saying all people in Alaska live in igloos. By my reckoning it

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-64907683222567122852008-10-29T16:31:00.002-04:002008-10-29T16:46:05.813-04:00

I passed a herd of political yard signs (migrating South for the winter presumably) today and I noticed for the first time that one of the local candidates has his website ON GEOCITIES! HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A DOMAIN NAME, IT'S GEOCITIES.COM/FPEREZ1776!!!And now a totally sarcastic open letter from the Great Joe Bivins (i.e. me) to said candidate, Franklin Perez:Mr. Perez:You sir have clearly

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-54208042418185536542008-10-26T15:51:00.003-04:002008-10-26T16:01:12.936-04:00

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH BOREDOM.I should take a nap or something.Anyway, I thought I might give an update on what's going on with my new comic: NOT MUCH. I've been spending most of my free time recovering from what I do in my not free time (college) so I haven't been getting much done on anything. At this point I'm working on the Christmas special, which I hope to begin posting in December, and

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-85349667253119622812008-10-11T18:40:00.002-04:002008-10-12T15:05:52.543-04:00

Gun Show October 10th, 2008 FUCK. YES. I'm a big fan of KC's stuff and particularly these three panel comics always deliver and THIS ONE HERE IS THE BEST YET. Because that's a classic comedic situation! Isn't that what all guys are thinking in that situation? About anal sex? Going in that back door? Climbing up the poop chute? Spelunking in the Colonic Caverns? ...I can't think of any more

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-84382822676852276982008-10-06T02:11:00.000-04:002008-10-06T02:12:08.504-04:00

So the other night I ended up tagging along with my mom and sister (and sister's boyfriend) to a Chinese Buffet place. Mainly it was because I needed a ride to the store and they spontaneously decided to go to a Chinese Buffet. This leaves me in an annoying position because I 1. hate Chinese food. 2. hate buffets. Okay then! So I wasn't about to sit in the restaurant with nothing to eat for

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-53818449915788236702008-10-02T21:56:00.001-04:002008-10-02T21:56:44.396-04:00

My favorite arcade (even though I haven't been in there in years due to lack of funds) is a place over in Casselberry called Rocky's Replay. Nowadays I pass by it every other day on the bus (during my three-hour ride to Sanford which I could do in a car in half an hour) and I've noticed that somebody there changes the sign every few days to a different random slogan encouraging people to

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-15010212392094598752008-09-23T23:14:00.002-04:002008-09-23T23:22:42.973-04:00

Ye Old Reptilian Wacky-Show September 23rd, 2008Here's the thing: I have actual Asperger's (not the Appetite variety) and I just don't get this joke. I will admit it's entirely possible my Asperger's is the thing that's interfering with my interpretation of this joke, but my first instinct is to say that Senor North (ostensibly T-Rex but that's another level of complexity I'm not ready to delve

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-27092490327885042412008-09-22T00:26:00.000-04:002008-09-22T00:28:39.369-04:00

THE CHAPS IS RIPPING ME OFF! The cartoon, funny right? But look at the error message: Address Not Found The browser could not find the host server for the provided address. Did you make a mistake when typing the domain? Did you grandma? Are you certain this domain name exists? Its registration may have expired. Are you unable to browse other sites? Check your network connection, DNS

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-33704156314687050282008-09-16T23:44:00.001-04:002008-09-16T23:44:47.374-04:00

UPDATE: The mystery dead spot. Turns out they're putting a sports channel in there. COMPLETELY FUCKING RIDICULOUS. On 46 there's a movie channel, on 48 there's a movie channel, if you get tired of movies you can flip one channel over for SPORTS? This is like when they have a grocery store arranged into foodstuffs and non-foodstuffs and then they randomly decide to rearrange everything and

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-2444745321297779002008-09-09T20:36:00.002-04:002009-07-05T00:23:55.239-04:00

I'm thinking of changing the name of Look...Umm...Bugs!!! to Those Whimsical Arthropods! Chiefly it's because LUB, while a somewhat amusing title, is difficult to abbreviate or say to people. Also, I just plain like Those Whimsical Arthropods! better. It includes possibly my favorite word: WHIMSICAL! Also I'm going to change the panel layout so it's about the size of an actual newspaper

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33966892.post-67733777536036204742008-08-31T11:54:00.000-04:002008-08-31T11:55:11.203-04:00

Hey, if you want EVEN STRAYER thoughts, you can now keep up with my nonsense in 140 character bursts on my new Twitter feed! Highlights so far have included: -Frequent random chainsaw references. -Cursing evolution for failing to get rid of my wisdom teeth. -Discussions of weather. -Lamenting my lack of psychokinetic abilities. -A charming anecdote wherein I insult a random stranger by way of

The Great Joe Bivinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14283728775013216856noreply@blogger.com1